Write the words you've carved on your hands over and over again a thousand times. You can taste the bitter sensation of deja voo on that salty desperate tongue. Why don't you step outside of your own mind, and these useless thoughts your wasting away in 4 wall rooms. Don't you know you were always meant for something better than yourself? Just give the outside a chance. Catching your dreams with butterfly nets before the helium sends them floating away. You keep wanting to take breaks, but you need to sit down and buckle up that seatbelt to keep you still. Dream's dont come true out of no where, you have to work your fingers to the bone. Make them proud, make them jealous. Take away their thoughts of failure, believe in yourself again. Don't let yourself fall, the wings are still usable, so set up your chase line, and meet those faces under spotlights.

I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.
I will not choke on failure.

You know,
I'll always come back.
An army of them,
Can't stop what we have.
Their footsteps move,
are creeping up so fast.

Let's sneak out the back door,
and ditch them finally.
Let's sneak out the back door,
and ditch them finally.

I love the sound,
when no ones around.
And I can hang out with you.
I'll let them all,
see what they want.
But no one can take me away from you.

Go where there arms cant reach for this.
I'll take you along,
we can be alone at last.

Let's sneak out the back door,
and ditch them finally.

I love the sound,
when no ones around.
And I can hang out with you.
I'll let them all,
see what they want.
But no one can take me away from you.

Won't let them wage war
Won't let them wage war on what we found.

I love the sound,
when no ones around.
And I can hang out with you.
I'll let them all,
see what they want.
But no one can take me away from you

Wake up on the right side of the bed,
to find a bloody nose inside your head.
Hands trailed with dirty finger tips,
send us down in sinking ships.
They'll find us here,
staring down our own fear. 
Eyes locked on the barrel of a gun,
the trigger holds all the fun.
The drugs to make us relapse,
coma's feel more like traps.
Curb stomping shiny whites,
under street night lights.
I'd give you promises,
if they didnt end in excuses.
There's a calendar in my mind,
full of the words I forgot to define.
Pillow cases full of pictures,
from that one night you and I...
A window is cracked open for easy escape,
from this place we've been condemed to make,
love in such a small place of worship,
for a bodies best courtship.
The airplane tickets are waiting,
beside the bullets we were planning,
to shoot it up in sky high memories,
for better or worse brutalities.

Day 7- Today Briana and I gave a little old man crossing guard a christmas basket. We didn't even know his name, no one we know even goes to the school he works for, but we pass him every day and he brightens our day every time we see him. He smiles and waves to every one, so we decided to go right ahead and get him something. He was overly happy, which made us thrilled! =)
Than I spent the rest of the day doing christmas shopping, oh boy is it a horror to pick out the right things. ha. Today was a great day though, I spent it with Briana and Teresa, two of my favorite people! =)

She's a mirical in my eyes.
Every little giggle and smile she shares, makes my entire world spin.
She's gorgeous and amazing and perfect.
I don't know what I would do without her, she's always there for me through everything.
I hope I make her feel the same way, because she deserves everything I could ever give her.
I love watching her as she's fast asleep in my arms, and feeling her heartbeat against mine, knowing we're intertwined in eachothers lives for forever. I hope she'll always be mine, because I'd never want her to be with someone else.
She makes every day in this Florida hell gates, feel like the first snowfall in Chicago.

Your everything and more.
Never forget that.

<3

Casual Dreamers and Left Hand Schemers.

My mouth's glued to my tongue,
wrapped tight in a bind,
I haven't said it in so long.
Your eyes make me go blind.

You wouldn't believe what I say,
after I left you at bay,
sitting on your hands to keep warm,
a heart more or less scorned.
I don't blame you to send me away,
bite my words and scurry,
have I made you curious enough,
to call my bluff?

Trade up for better rings,
and chances for lovers lane.
Let the sun in,
your eyes have always been,
a curse to mine,
with a better design.

I'm in stitches over you,
please just pull me through.

I'm willing to take chances,
on second glances,
the gentleman's white glove,
as fallen short of love.
Reverberating to back beats,
on gravel streets.

At 4am the signals flare
for all romantic declare,
please take me back,
dont be taken aback.
My words are clean and clear,
just think about it darling dear.

Day 6- I don't know why I have this weird luck streak happening. I must have done something right in the world, I'm not really sure, someone define all this for me and get back to me. Maybe there's some secret webbed plan god has layed out for me to have all this great stuff happen to me and than plop down a big bomb on me. I'm pretty sure thats it, he/she/it tends to do that a lot. Today Ben Jorgensen wrote me back, again. I'm sorry Teresa, ha. Don't kill me. xD I told him that AFS should do Warped Tour this year and he agreed. So I really hope that means they will, because I miss them like hell. It pretty much made my day, besides the fact that I had an amazing day with Briana. We got up at 11:30 and we went to Fresh Market, got some sandwiches and we went to the park. We spent 2 hours running around taking pictures and messing in tree's, and playing with freaky animals that I think are all mentally disturbed. The Donkey's anorexic, he reminds us of Trace Cyrus. ha. Than we came home and we snuggled and watched TV for awhile and than we ate dinner, and we just got done watching Wanted. It was an awesome movie. =) It's been an amazing week, I don't know what I'd do without my baby girl beside me. She's brilliant, and gorgeous, and her eyes shine like the sun.

You know sometimes
it just feels better to give in.

 Day 5-  Today was fun, Briana got out at 12 from school and we went over to Becca's house and we had a slight christmas icing party. ha. We were all attempting to make gingerbread houses but out of like 15 of us only like 3 actually came out as houses. xD But it was awesome because we were just messy and laughing and just being a bunch of dorks. Than I came back home with Briana and we watched The Incredible Hulk, it was...good(?). ha. And now we're just chilling out and kicking back. It was a cool day.

Day 4- I just won $500 Grand Prize from Fall Out Boy's Holly A Deux contest.
What?
Seriously?
When did this happen?
Oh shit son.
I think I just pissed myself.
*fangs up*



Oh, and I got a pretty sweet shirt too?
Sup World, you like me now? Thats cool.

Honey's For Bee's, Silly Bear.

I've dined with wolves,
eating the daitiest of sheep.
Small and dark,
we hide under black wool to keep.
Side notes stuck to post-it's,
slid under door frames, but dont peak.
It's invisible ink dotting the lines,
and crossings t's that were never meant to be.

The secrets lay hushed,
in acoustic tunnels with strings and sound,
and I must confess my eyes change color,
when I'm looking for someone other,
from blue to black,
you always come back.

Take a fistfull of ativan,
mother dearest your daring me to down,
a bottle of gin to balance the pain,
the voices are back again,
theres a cage calling out my name.
feel the shame, oh feel my shame.

How does a masochist hold a knife,
when their claws to big to squeeze fingers.
Our hands never matched the strife,
but still they lay and linger,
I'm waiting for something,
I'm waiting for anything,
give me something,
god just give me anything.

We're turning blue in breath,
under lampost oaths.
You gave us something to believe in,
but we're loosing every feeling.

Day 3- Craig Owens Solo Tour!!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

The Social, March 12th!!!


ENOUGH SAID!

Day 2- Today was fun, I slept in late with Briana and than we spent some time hanging out with her grandparents. We also hung out with Shantai and Markia today, it was really fun. I like being around them because I feel like I can just be myself and its comforting. But the best part of my day was when she came back upstairs after she had gone down to talk to her grandparents and crawled back in bed beside me and gave me little kisses and told me to wake up, and that she loved me. =)

I = Mush.

I got tagged bytaylorraines 

The rules are that for 8 days you have to post something that made you happy that day. Tag 8 people to do the same.

Day 1- I saw Fall Out Boy today, for the first time since November 1st of last year. I couldn't even begin to describe how much it meant to me.I got there at 6am with Briana and Teresa. We were later joined by Taylor, Karson, and Casey. It was so perfect, being surrounded by all my friends and Pete. Pete... Sorry, it was a moment. xD Pete talked to me from the stage and I couldn't say one thing, Briana had to answer for me, while I just stood there doing air guitar movements with my mouth wide open. She yelled out "SHE WANTS TO PLAY BASS". We also gave him a hat for Bronx which he greatly appreciated, and he through us his pic's, repeatedly until we both had caught one.

P.s. My feet went weak after he spoke to me and I fell, thank you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG TRAVIS. LMFAO

*DYING*

If only you knew. lmfao. xDDD

We're breaking loose and we're breaking free,
this is the least I can do to remember to breathe.
You can't chain down a restless mind,
highway 75 is calling our names,
don't let these eyes be blind,
we won't lay any blame.

So here we come, out on our own,
no guide to lead us to our new home,
out on the road, a clear escape,
nothing but a cassette tape,
we're on our way to freedom,
our fate at random.

Ten things you wish you could say to ten people right now:
1. I love you more than you'll ever know, your every breath that hits my lungs, and every smile that crosses this ridiculous face. You're eyes shine like gold, and your heart is warmer than any fire burning. You're beautiful, breathtaking, gorgeous, brilliant, and overall perfect, and you're more than I could ever ask for. I'll spend the rest of my days with you curled in my arms, protecting you from this world. I love every little thing about you, the way you giggle when you feel embarrassed, how you turn bright red every time I say your gorgeous, the way you sneak your feet into my lap and give me those big eyes waiting for me to rub them, the way you say "bee", the way you move, the way you speak, the way you say "morbid", the way you love it when I say "coffee", the way we always talk about Pete Wentz and Jepha Howard, the way you freaked out when I had a sip of your moms wine, but you were allowed too, the way that you still look up to me even though we're equals, the way you keep pushing yourself o matter what, the way you pout when you dont get your way, the way you curl up into my arms every night but than have to turn the other way in order to fall asleep, the way you jump in my arms every day you come home from school. Who you are, is everything I love.
2. I can't wait for you to come back in two weeks, you're my best friend and I hate that we're so far apart right now. I can't wait to be a crazy moron with you again. =)
3. I hope everything will be okay, I miss you and no matter what I had said before I feel horrible. I prayed for the first time the other night, because I want you to make it through this. Please be okay, because I'd hate to see you in pain.
4. I'm so glad that we're friends again, because you're such an awesome person, I love hanging out with you, and you're laugh is contaigous.
5. I wish I could tell you that I'm in love, but you make me so afraid and nervous every second I'm around you. Everytime my phone rings and it's you, I'm always scared you've discovered my secret.
6. I miss you the most, and I hate that you just disapeared.
7. I really hate who you've become, you used to be so amazing and one of my best friends, but now you've become a completly different person that I can't even recognize.
8. I can't wait to see who you become.
9. I'm really glad that I started talking to you again, because I feel like I've lost contact with so many people, and to have a piece of my past brought back means a lot more than you could imagine.
10. Cut your hair stupid. P.s. I love you.


In other news, I'm sick as hell. I'm sitting perfectly still but I feel like I just ran a 4k. My head is spinning and I'm just so out of it. I brought Eric Victorino's book to Conor Oberst today. I think Eric's gonna piss himself when he read's my message and see's the picture Briana and I got. Thanks for taking us Taylor. =)
Peace out homies.